Wednesday of Holy Week
In today’s Gospel, we find Matthew’s account of Judas’ decision to willfully betray Jesus. Such a tragic account; such a heartbreaking glimpse into Judas’ life. As the story unfolds, I’m reminded of my own human tendency to sin and of the overwhelming love of Christ our Lord who desires to redeem and restore us. Praying today’s Gospel, I sense within myself an even greater desire for the Sacraments of the Eucharist and Reconciliation. I invite you into this spiritual hunger with me, confident that our Lord wants to flood us with more of his grace and mercy.
“One of the Twelve, who was called Judas Iscariot, went to the chief priests and said, ‘What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you?’ They paid him thirty pieces of silver, and from that time on he looked for an opportunity to hand him over.” What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you? That question on the lips of Judas rocked me to my core. Anytime we sin, we effectively make something else more valuable than following God’s will. The price of those thirty silver coins was apparently enough to entice Judas to betray his Lord. When I sin, I’m essentially saying to God, I know what you want, but I want something else more – something else appears more valuable to me in this moment than you. Just typing those words, I feel such deep remorse and contrition for my sins. Nothing is better than God, nothing is more valuable than his will for my life. Every sin is a betrayal. I am deceived when I think that some fleeting worldly pleasure, pursuit, or preoccupation is better than loving God and staying close to him. I wonder how that phrase, What are you willing to give me if I hand him over to you? strikes you? I invite you to pause and ponder.
“When it was evening, he reclined at table with the Twelve. And while they were eating, he said, ‘Amen, I say to you, one of you will betray me.’ Deeply distressed at this, they began to say to him one after another, ‘Surely it is not I, Lord?’" I must consider this response, as well, Surely it is not I, Lord? I invite us to pause a moment and examine our relationship with the Lord in light of this evocative question.
Judas’ actions were fully and freely his own. He chose to betray our Lord. We read elsewhere in the Gospels of Peter’s three-fold denial of our Lord. Peter also willfully turned his back on Jesus and abandoned him, denying that he ever knew him. Each of these disciples misused his free will. The difference is that tragically Judas fell into despair and ultimately took his own life, while Peter availed himself to the risen Lord. Judas’ taking his own life meant that he denied himself the opportunity for the Lord to redeem and restore him. Thankfully Peter did accept God’s mercy and returned to relationship with Christ his Redeemer and Restorer.
Judas was not too far gone! No human being is too sinful, too wretched, or too far from God that s/he could never be redeemed and restored. The extravagant love and mercy of God is bigger than all our sin! Despite his sacrilege, had Judas turned back to the Lord and sought his mercy, he would have found love, mercy, grace, and forgiveness. He could have been restored and reinstated to relationship, just like Peter.
You and I are not too far gone! No matter what you’ve done in your life or where you find yourself now in terms of your sin and your relationship with God, you can be redeemed and restored. God’s mercy is for YOU. I can testify to the power of God’s love, mercy, forgiveness and grace in my life. There was a period of time during which I experienced great scrupulosity for my sins. Even though I had received absolution in the Confessional, I felt tormented by guilt and shame over past sins. Once during Confession, after I had confessed my sins and expressed my scrupulosity, the priest said very emphatically, “Stop refusing the mercy of God!” That was a life-changing moment for me, and I will be forever grateful for that priest as my Confessor. Like Judas, we must never pridefully block, resist, or refuse the mercy of God. God wishes to lavish his mercy upon us. Christ died on the Cross for us because his love is a vastly merciful love.
God has given us the extravagant gift of the Sacraments as means of grace and power for abundant living. Let us avail ourselves more frequently of the Eucharist and Reconciliation so that we may be healed, forgiven, restored, and set free to glorify God by our lives with the power that he provides. More frequent reception of the Sacraments protects us from temptation, as well, by keeping us close to Jesus, and helps us to conform our will more closely to the will of God. Let us run to Jesus, our Redeemer and Restorer, in the Sacraments. “Let us confidently approach the throne of grace to receive mercy and to find grace for timely help” (Heb. 4:16). The Easter season would be a great time to joyfully partake of the Sacraments on a more frequent basis, coming alive more and more in the power of the Holy Spirit as we make the journey toward Pentecost. Perhaps that might be a commitment we could each make.
I’ll see you in the Eucharist,
Elizabeth Wells