Feast of the Holy Family of Jesus, Mary and Joseph
The Feast of the Holy Family is an inspiring feast. Who does not want a wonderful, loving, good, holy, and wholesome family? The Holy Family represents every longing of human families. But, we must be cautious. Comparing the Holy Family with our families can also lead to unrealistic expectations and unhelpful conclusions. After all, two people in the Holy Family were without sin. This is certainly not the intention of the celebration of the Feast of the Holy Family.
I would like to reflect on the Holy Family and our own families in a realistic and helpful way. Here are my three points:
Defining a Holy Family
How do we define a “holy family?” Are there criteria? In other words, what makes a family holy? If there is even one person in the family who is not living an exemplary Christian life, would that family still be a holy family? If there are arguments, misunderstandings, addictions, broken relationships, deep hurts… is that family not a holy family?
Perhaps we confuse the concept of a ‘holy family’ with a ‘perfect family’. The most important thing to remember on the Feast of the Holy Family is that holiness does not necessarily mean perfection. Christ did not come into a perfect world. The opposite is true. Jesus embraced our imperfect world and made it holy by his presence. This is true also for our families.
What makes a family holy is not perfection. Rather, of all the ways that Christ could have come into the world, God chose the family. Herein lies the reason for the holiness of families. I am not saying that each family member is not responsible for the quality of family life. But the primary reason a family is holy is because by His incarnation, God has sanctified institution of the family. For this reason, every family, no matter what the context, is holy.
Modern Family
Until recently, there was an English sitcom called “Modern Family”. It dramatized the contemporary notion of an extended family. There was even a gay couple in the family. Modern families come on all shapes and sizes. On the one hand there is the traditional concept of a family - husband, wife, well-behaved children, all educated, financially and emotionally stable, healthy, and happy. Even their pet is well-behaved and intelligent!
However, there are so many families that are not traditional in the traditional sense of the concept. There are families that encounter financial burdens, addictions, domestic abuse, divorces, single-parenthood, grandparents with custody of grand-children, live-in couples, LGBTQ relatives, and same-sex families. What do we say to families that not only are struggling, but do not represent a ‘traditional family’?
If the gospels are any indication, it is precisely in this context that the Holy Family is relevant. The Holy family was not a typical family of its time. For example, Jesus was not conceived of Joseph. Even if it was for legitimate reasons, Joseph had contemplated breaking the engagement and divorcing Mary. Joseph was a foster father. Joseph and Mary were not the typical husband and wife because the Church teaches us that Mary is ever virgin. They also faced their share of physical and social challenges. They were poor. Jesus was born in a stable. Later, they had to become immigrants and refugees to save his life. In so many ways the Holy family reminds me of modern families. But it is precisely into this family that God became incarnate.
If our families are not traditional in the same way we think of traditional families, please remember that Christ chose to be born into an imperfect and less-than-ideal situation. If our families are struggling, if our families are imperfect, God does not abandon us. I believe that Christ is closer to families that try to be a family in the midst of all the complexities of modern day life.
“Above All, Put on Love”
Having said all that, each member of a family has a responsibility to contribute to the holiness and well-being of the family. I would like to use the second reading to provide practical ways to make our families the best they can be. Paul says, “Put on, as God's chosen ones, holy and beloved, heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience, bearing with one another and forgiving one another, if one has a grievance against another; as the Lord has forgiven you, so must you also do. And over all these, put on love, that is, the bond of perfection” (Col 3:12-14).
Today, every person – husband, wife, children young and old, brothers and sisters, uncles and aunts, grandparents, and grandchildren – please evaluate the contribution you make to the life and holiness of the family. If each one of us can say that we show heartfelt compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, patience, forgiveness and love, then even if our families are imperfect, we are cooperating with God to make them holy.
Today let us bring our families, just as they are, and present them to God on this altar. May God bless our families and make them holy.
- Fr. Satish Joseph