Nineteenth Sunday in Ordinary Time
This past June, I conducted a half day retreat for the NAIM group. This group is for widows and widowers who come together every month and give each other support and companionship. Among the thirty or so participants was a Pat Aicher who came into the room with a walker. I saw her sit very carefully into her chair. Immediately, a few other ladies from the group came and propped her legs on a chair in front of her. I was most impressed with the kindness. During break time, Pat slowly made her way to the restroom as I stayed in the retreat room to prepare for my next session. Pat was back soon and as she walked in, she said to me, “I know you Father.” She said that she had attended my Lenten silent retreat on Teresa of Avila a few years back. I had conducted yet another Lenten retreat this last Lent and I did not remember her being there. So I told her that I had conducted another retreat and if she would like to be contacted about my Lenten silent retreat in 2015. What she said in response sent a chill down my spine. She said, “I would like to, Father, but I will not live that long. The doctors have given me only six weeks. I have cancer.” My immediate reaction was, “So what are you doing here?” I do not remember her response but I remember saying to her, “You are a strong woman! If I were you, I would be lying in bed wallowing in self-pity.” She said, “Naaagh! That’s not for me. I know where I am going. I am not worried!” And then she asked me if I would prop her legs on to the chair in front of her. When I did that, my hands were trembling. About four weeks after my retreat, I got news that Pat Aicher had died.
In today’s gospel reading Jesus assures his terrified storm–struck disciples and says, “Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” And then again, Jesus reaches out and saves a terrified and drowning Peter and says to his disciples, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?” Is Jesus being unrealistic when he says, “Do not be afraid?” Are the events narrated in the gospel for real?
I admit there are times I am terrified and perhaps this is true for you as well. And then we have Pat Aicher, who six months prior to her death says, “I know where I am going. I am not worried!” How can we get to the faith that Jesus is referring to? I would like to reflect upon this question in my three practical implications. However, I think the practical implications lie in certain small details that we can miss in the gospel reading. Just like in today’s first reading God was not in the might wind or the fiery fire but in the small whispering wind, so too, we must look at some small details.
1. The Big Picture. Here is the first small detail. When the drowning Peter cried out, “Lord save me,” Jesus stretched out his hand and saved Peter. Jesus could have saved Peter without stretching out his hand. Jesus could have merely spoken a word and Peter would be prevented from drowning. But Jesus stretches out his hand. I find this gesture very telling about God’s relationship with us. If we look at the big picture, God stretched out God hand in Jesus. Jesus is God’s hands stretched out toward humanity. God does not allow us to sink into death, but rather, through Jesus’ hand outstretched on the cross toward all humanity, God has already saved us from that which terrifies us the most - death. No one, not one person who cries out to Jesus saying, “Lord save me,” is left abandoned in death. God has saved us for eternity. In this sense, Pat Aicher was so right when she said to me, “I know where I am going.”
2. How do we get beyond that which is terrifying? There are times when death is not the most terrifying thing. My mother says to me always, “I am not afraid of death; I worry that I will linger on and suffer pain.” My personal fear is that I will die alone with no one beside me. Jesus, who asked the disciples, “Why do you doubt?” was himself terrified. He was so terrified in the garden of Gethsemane that he sweat blood and asked his Father to take the cup away from him. He also cried out to God on the cross because he felt completely abandoned. Perhaps many of us can identify with Jesus’ fear and abandonment. What can we do when we are terrified or feel abandoned? There is yet another little detail in today’s gospel that might be overlooked in the context of an otherwise dramatic episode. Matthew tells us that Jesus dismissed the crowd and “After doing so, he went up on the mountain by himself to pray. When it was evening he was there alone.” Folks, look at it however you want, but there simply isn’t a substitute for prayer. And prayer is being alone with God. If in the midst of paralyzing fear Jesus is able to say, “Not my will but yours be done,” it was because was a man of prayer. If in the midst of total abandonment on the cross Jesus was able to say, “Abba, into your hands I commend my spirit,” it was because he was a man of prayer.
We cannot insure ourselves against fear because life will always shock and surprise us with terrifying moments. And if we want to face life like Jesus or like Pat Aicher, we are invited to become men and women of prayer. In other words, it is not only enough to look for God when we are terrified, but rather, become men and women of prayer who spend time alone with God all the time. If we do that, then when we are terrified we will find God exactly where we find God at other time – right by our side.
3. “If It is You!” There is another factor at play in this story – the question of Jesus’ identity. Peter’s words to Jesus are, “Lord, if it is you…!” Peter is not sure about who the figure walking on the water is, and perhaps Peter does not fully understand who Jesus is. It is interesting how this episode ends. Matthew says, “Those who were in the boat did him homage, saying, “Truly, you are the Son of God.” Here is a paradox then. Peter is hoping that Jesus will help him to deal with the storm and his fright; on the other hand, it is the storm and his terrifying fright that help the disciples understand Jesus better. If we are men and women of prayer, then here is how it all works: faith can help us in our struggles and in turn our struggles can further deepen our faith. There are two other ways to see the relationship between faith and life. One is to question God’s fidelity in our struggles instead of finding God beside us; and the other is to find God in our struggles, but then, once we have overcome our struggles that we do not let our experience further deepen our faith. Today’s gospel teaches us that faith and life are complementary. I think that this is also the lesson of Pat Aicher’s life.
Perhaps, like the groups of frightened and terrified disciples, this church is our boat and we are in it. Jesus, comes into our midst today, not walking on water, but in bread and wine and says to us, ““Take courage, it is I; do not be afraid.” Let Christ’s presence today help us live life with a little more faith; and may living our life in faith further deepen our faith in Christ. Amen.
- Fr. Satish Joseph