Fifth Sunday in Ordinary Time
Last December we had a very special parish council meeting. We invited three people who left the Catholic Church and three people who joined the Catholic Church to share their experience. We wanted to know why people make the decisions they make about belonging to a particular faith tradition. I soon realized that discussion like these are complex as well. I received two letters apart from the people who were present at the meeting; one from a young lesbian who feels unwelcomed in a Catholic environment and the other from a young mother who recently became Catholic but then could not reconcile her conscience with the church’s teaching on contraception. Those who were present at the meeting also shared their stories. Later when the parish council reflected on all their stories there were common strands we could identify. For one, we realized that those who had left the Catholic Church and those who joined her, were all very sincere people. Their choice was made out of a genuine conviction. But then, there is one trend that I found directly related to the three scripture readings today – a powerful experience of God. The Catholics who left the church did so because the Church could not give them what they were searching for – a God who was close and real. They found the church too rigid and ritualistic. On the other hand, each one of those people who joined the church did so because it was in the Church, particularly in the Eucharist, that they experienced God in a tangible way.
Let me say right at the outset that God-experience is not an easy concept to deal with. And I will address some of these difficulties later. However, we are compelled to deal with this theme because all the three reading are about powerful, very powerful experiences of the divine. Isaiah for example, experiences God as “totally other.” He sees an other-worldly vision and experiences what seemed like an earthquake. The heavenly creatures were singing, “Holy, Holy, Holy.” Simultaneously, Isaiah has a deep realization of his own unworthiness. We find this trend also in the second reading from Paul. He speaks about how Christ appeared to him for real. Paul was speaking of his experience on the way to Damascus. Just like Isaiah, Paul too has realization of his unworthiness. That is why he says, "Last of all, as to one born abnormally, he appeared to me." In the gospel reading, Peter and the disciples too have an experience of the risen Christ. Simon Peter fell at the knees of Jesus in an act of worship. But then, he immediately becomes aware of his own inadequacy. He says, “Depart from me O Lord, for I am a sinful man.
What shall we make of the stories of the people at parish council and the gospel experiences? Three things:
a) Experience of God is a very difficult phenomenon to reflect upon. Those who can point toward a single life-changing experience of the divine (like Isaiah, Paul or Peter) find it easy to talk about it. But then, I know many people who only wish they had an experience similar to that of Isaiah, Paul or Peter or the dramatic experience of those who joined the Catholic Church. Many people cannot point out to a single life-changing experience. They find the stories of those who have had a tangible experience of God very frustrating. Most of the time they blame themselves or think that they are not worthy of a tangible experience of God. They may even think that they have committed some serious sin that stops them from tangibly experiencing God. Those who have had an experience on the other hand, cannot understand how anyone can escape a God-experience. But as they say, how can you make someone who has never eaten a banana know what a banana tastes like?
b) Everybody has an experience of God. A few weeks after our parish council meeting, I invited our adult faith formation team to also discuss the theme of God-experiences. What we discovered in our discussion was this – that no believer is without a God-experience. All of us has have experienced God tangibly but the manner in which we experience God and the intensity with which we experience may differ. For example, my ordination was not my deepest experience of God although it was a memorable event. I experienced God more intensely when I have had tragedies happen to me or when my doctoral graduation was postponed. I think that if we could just take some time and go back through life, we will realize that God has been more real and tangible than we think. For you, for example, your wedding or your divorce, the birth of a child or the death of one, finding employment or losing one, an illness or a recovery, a moment during prayer or just walking in the woods, in church or outside church, in an act of charity or an act of selfishness, in success or in failure, in an act of loyalty or in an act of betrayal, in a stranger or in a friend you may have surely experienced God. God does not deny God’s self to any seeker. So this week one of the things we might do is to sit in prayer and look back at life. It is worth identifying at least some of these experiences because it helps our faith a great deal.
c) I want to take the time in this third point to talk about the sense of unworthiness that Isaiah, Moses and Peter had. I am not sure about you, but I am constantly haunted by my sense of unworthiness. There are two extremes we should avoid – first, that we are incapable of being loved by God, and second, the danger of self-righteousness. Sometimes, the sense of unworthiness comes from our inability to forgive ourselves or from a low self-esteem. Like Isaiah, Paul and Peter, we must allow God to liberate us from our unworthiness and use us for the God’s work. After all Christ came not for the righteous but for the sinner. On the other hand there are people who think that they are all worthy and righteousness and chose to deny other people any dignity in God’s eyes. No human person has any right to deny another person God’s presence because of their sexual orientation, their gender, their moral choices or their political affiliation. That is God’s prerogative, not ours. I guess what I am trying to say is that there is a spiritually healthy place, where both unreasonable unworthiness and irrational self-righteousness can both be avoided. If someone has had a genuine experience of God, you will know them by their humility and yet their confidence in God.
For us as Catholics, the Eucharist is as close as it gets to having a real tangible experience of God. As we encounter Christ is the bread and wine, may we too, like Isaiah, Paul and Peter, allow Christ touch us and transform us. Amen.
- Fr. Satish Joseph