Memorial of Saint Vincent de Paul, Priest
One of my most vivid memories of junior high school was feeling I was never good enough. I remember experiencing strong feelings of jealousy and rejection. I saw girls who were pretty and smart and ‘cool’ and the jealousy I felt led to me try so hard to be different, to be more special, or to be just plain ‘more’. I remember the agony this caused during that period of my life. If there was ever a time I could choose to relive it would never be that time! These many years later, I realize how damaging this was. Those feelings of jealousy left me not only feeling personally inadequate—it led my disdain of those who were the object of my jealousy. It strongly distracted me from what God wanted me to be during that tender and tumultuous time of life. The sin of jealousy led to developing habits contrary to the basic charity I was called to as a Christian and it led me away from God. I did not realize this at the time, I only knew how intense my feelings were and allowed those feelings to drive my behavior. Had I recognized my feelings were not based in fact, I think those years would have been quite different.
The readings today speak of several things but the passage from Zechariah struck me: God says, “I am intensely jealous for Zion, stirred to jealous wrath for her.” As we know, there are many instances in Scripture where God expresses jealousy. The thing is, God’s jealousy is wholly different than that which normally comes to mind for us. In the Gospel reading, St. Luke relates the instance where the disciples argue about who among them was the greatest. Jesus, taking a child to his side, rebukes them saying, “Whoever receives this child in my name receives me, and whoever receives me receives the one who sent me.” Who among us does not to want to be the ‘best’ or the ‘greatest’ among our peers? We can all identify with this—whether our workplace, our school classes, our families, or even our parish communities. Jealousy, in our human condition, nearly always leads us away from who God is calling us to be. It tempts us to demean ourselves as well as the person(s) who is the object of that jealousy. It is plain and simple—there is a serious lack charity here. So what does it mean when Scripture speaks of the ‘jealousy of God’? In the simplest terms, God’s jealousy is all about God’s yearning for us—to have our hearts wholly focused on Him. God’s jealousy is about God’s genuine love and deep desire for our wellbeing. God, our Creator, wants only the very best for us as daughters and sons. God knows that when we share our hearts with anything or anyone other than God, our Creator, we are destined for unhappiness.
Is there any circumstance where we, as flawed human beings, can experience this same ‘brand’ of Godly jealousy? While I cannot speak for anyone else, I know my personal experiences of this particular flaw have been far from ‘Godly’. Still, I find good news here! Just the recognition of personal sin, such as jealousy, is evidence of God’s grace at work in me and evidence of God’s perpetual invitation to deeper relationship. Praise God!
--Gail Lyman