Saturday of the Fifth Week of Lent
As we enter deeper into this time of isolation, separation, illness and uncertainty, I find that I have good days and bad days - days where this makes sense on some level and days where I am short-tempered and frustrated and angry that so much is out of my control. Today is one of the latter days. Even though the sun is shining and the birds are chirping, I have been on edge. I’ve lost my temper and yelled at my kids. I snapped at my husband. I prayed for this whole thing to just be over.
I know that a lot of these feelings are probably coming from grief. My Uncle Bob died of a heart attack on Thursday. I was surprised and saddened when my mom called with the news. I come from a large family, where we make it a point to be there for one another, whenever and however we can. And right now, we can’t. And that’s really hard. I know many people who have also had to grieve for someone in this time and I think we can all agree that grief is not meant to be done in isolation. Grief is not meant to be done alone. We want to gather with others who have loved this person and share our memories and tell stories. We want to hug one another, to hold each other up. And right now, we can’t.
So I took all of those emotions and feelings with me as I sat down to write this reflection. I asked God to give me some comfort, some direction - help me to get out of this slump! And, as I too often forget, comfort and peace can be found in the Bible, in God’s words. I found words of comfort in each of our readings today.
Our first reading says this, “Thus says the Lord GOD: I will take the children of Israel from among the nations to which they have come, and gather them from all sides to bring them back to their land. I will make them one nation upon the land, in the mountains of Israel, and there shall be one prince for them all. Never again shall they be two nations, and never again shall they be divided into two kingdoms. No longer shall they defile themselves with their idols, their abominations, and all their transgressions. I will deliver them from all their sins of apostasy, and cleanse them so that they may be my people and I may be their God” (Ezekial 37:21 -23). I read these words a few times and I kept asking myself - is this a little bit of what is happening now? In this time where we have been so divided, so torn into political factions, is this what is needed to bring us back together? Is this time of sacrifice and of isolation a time where we will be cleansed, where we can begin to rid ourselves of our idols and abominations? I pray that it may be.
I was talking on the phone with my dad yesterday and he told me, “AJ, just stay close to the Lord in all of this.” And I think he’s right. We can get caught up in the fear, the anxiety, the worry, the loneliness, the tiredness, the isolation, but to the best of our ability we need to try to give these over to the Lord. In all that is happening right now, we need to find ways to stay close to the Lord. Trust the Lord to guide you through this time.
We’ve all been emailing memories about my Uncle Bob and in many of them people speak to the ways he had told them and shown them that God is Love. In all of this we need to stay close to the Lord - stay close to Love. Whether it’s finding more time to pray, to read the Gospels, to pray the Rosary, to serve others, to forgive someone. We need to find ways to cling to the Lord to survive this. If we can do this, then this time may, in fact, cleanse us so that we remember that we are God’s people - we are people of Love.
As I said before, today has been a hard day. It was time to put my 3-year-old down for her nap and normally I cherish this time, but today I just didn’t want to do it. As I am putting her down for her nap she asks me, “Mommy will you sing me a Hail Mary?” Of course, I said yes and sang the prayer to our Blessed Mother, not simply as a song for my daughter, but as a prayer, a prayer to help me remember to stay close to Mary our Mother and to Jesus.
We’re told in our responsorial psalm that, “The Lord will guard us, as a shepherd guards his flock. (Jer. 31:10)” We need these words of comfort as we walk daily into this new reality. We need to remember that the Lord is guarding us, caring for us, tending to us. The Lord’s presence may look different than we anticipated, but the Lord is with us. We need to stay close to the shepherd, so we can hear when He is calling us, guiding us, calming us. Now, and in all times, we need to stay close to the Lord.
Finally, in our Gospel reading today, we hear of how the high priests have now decided that Jesus would have to die. He would have to be killed. Jesus’s response - he no longer walked in public, he retreated to the town of Ephraim, with just those closest to him. While Jesus’ reason for retreating is different than ours, I found comfort in this reading, in feeling that the Jesus of this Gospel reading may be able to really connect with us right now, with how we are feeling - no longer walking in public, staying secluded with those closest to us. Remembering Jesus’ humanity in this period of his life, helps me feel connected to Him in a unique way. It helps me to think that when I take my frustrations of seclusion, of isolation, of uncertainty to Him, He will understand. I am thankful to have a God I can stay close to, I can cling to, as we weather this storm together.
I will continue to pray for all of you, that you are able to stay close to the Lord, and I humbly ask that you do the same. Amen.
- AJ Grimm