Wednesday of the Thirty-third Week in Ordinary Time
The readings from 2 Maccabees the past couple days have slain me! Yesterday, I also read the story of St Barlaam of Antioch, whose feast day it was, and I was cut to the quick. Barlaam was jailed for his faith under the persecution of Diocletian. He came to trial in the year 304, was tortured hideously, and ordered to deny his faith in Christ. When he refused, the judge ordered that Barlaam’s hand be filled with incense and held over the coals of a brazier. The judge wanted to set Barlaam free by making an example of him as one who denied his faith under threat and abuse. The judge thought that Barlaam would immediately flinch from the heat and spill some incense into the fire, thus appearing to make a sacrifice to a pagan idol and implicitly denying his faith. Barlaam never flinched. The story goes that when his entire hand burned off, the judge gave up and had him executed. One never knows for sure the literal veracity of these saints’ stories, but we can be confident that St Barlaam was indeed martyred for his faith. In today’s reading we see another absolutely incredible testimony of an entire family’s courage in the face of terrible persecution. I’m confronted with the question, what would I say and do if I were put in such a position?
I will admit to you that these heroic accounts cause me to squirm as I imagine scenarios in which I might be told to deny Christ under threat of torture or death. Here’s some insight into my inner wrestling. It’s not that I lack faith – I love God with all that I am, and I would never willfully deny the Holy Trinity. My faith is unwavering. But being completely vulnerable here, I have to wonder if I might ever lie to protect my own life. Might I pretend to deny my faith in order to preserve my life? I think about how my mom, my two sons, my partner, and other loved ones need me and how deeply grieved they would be if I were to suddenly and tragically pass away. Would my gut reaction be to try to save myself to spare them loss? As I read the accounts in 2 Maccabees and from St Barlaam’s life, part of me wants to cry out: can’t you finagle your way out of those heinous situations somehow and preserve your lives? Ultimately, these stories bring me to a defining moment. Expressing a bit of my wrestling over the prospect of martyrdom has helped me steel my resolve to stand firm in Christ until the end, whatever kind of end that might be. St Paul’s words resound within me: I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death. For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain (Philippians 1:20-21). While it is true that loved ones need me and count on me in this life, my steadfast testimony to the Gospel in whatever way I can embody it, is the most important thing.
It's unlikely that any of us in this parish will face martyrdom today – may God protect and sustain us. But let’s reflect today on how far we are willing to go to testify to Christ, and how much we are willing to risk in our inter-personal relationships at home, at work, at school, in our friendships, with strangers, in our neighborhoods. Can I stand firm in thinking like Jesus, talking like Jesus, and acting like Jesus even when others may push back against me in their attitudes, words, or deeds? Is my radical love for God strong enough that I can be a shining light in the face of ridicule or disapproval? May God give us radical courage today to live lives of radical discipleship.
- Elizabeth Wourms