Memorial of Saint Martin of Tours, Bishop
So this all started very differently. I thought I knew everything I wanted to say and had all my transitions plotted out. Then I reached Jesus' words on forgiveness and it all got derailed. Instead of talking about trust, and discipline, and knowledge I want to share the most helpful visual I've ever received on why we struggle to forgive. Jesus sets a high standard for forgiveness and we are usually on board with it but let's talk about when we are not.
Jesus asks us to imagine our brother coming to us repeatedly seeking forgiveness and tells us to forgive each time. As we consider this scenario we need to step back and look at how we consider forgiveness and how we determine when to extend it. A program that I use at work proposed two different mindsets for forgiveness. The Mirror and the Lens.
The Mirror: When we approach forgiveness with the mirror mentality we see the offense that was done and we consciously or unconsciously ask ourselves, "Have I ever done this? Could I see myself doing something like that? etc." We use our perceived potential to commit the offense or one like ti to determine whether or not we have it in us to forgive another. When we do this we step into risky territory. First, I know I greatly underestimate my own capacity for sinfulness and stupidity, and so I likely hold others to a high standard than is just. Second, this in no way models the forgiveness I have received from the Lord. God is incapable of sin and by this standard would extend forgiveness to no one. But that is obviously false, bringing us to the lens.
The Lens: When we approach forgiveness from the lens mentality three drastic shifts happen. First, I'm no longer looking in the mirror and so I stop focusing on me and the offense I suffered but see the other person. Second, in seeing the other person my question shifts from "Could I forgive this offense that happened to me?" to "Should I forgive this person I see?" Third, now that we are person-oriented we can shatter our false question of "Would I commit this offense?" but can embrace the real question, "Would God forgive this person if they sought it?" And the answer to that question is always, "Yes."
What do you use the most when thinking of forgiveness? Have you fallen into the trap of using the mirror? How do you keep the lens in front of you? What offenses have made it clear to you that you were less likely to forgive that you thought you were?
- Spencer Hargadon