Friday after Ash Wednesday
This winter has been a tough one for me. I don't know if it's the cold, or the dark, or just the plain old unrelenting busy-ness of my days - but some days I have had a hard time just wanting to keep going through the day and do the work that needs doing! For me, it's not really despair so much as a very great desire to hole up under a quilt, drink hot tea, and read good books till, well, till I don't know when. Till the tough times pass....
This dullness and dryness is reflected in my spiritual life, as well: some days, it's tough to keep praying, to keep going through the motions of prayer, even when I feel really, really dry. I want God in my life, I want to feel God's presence again - but I know from experience that I can't feel a spiritual high all the time, or even most of the time.
Maybe I feel a bit like these Israelites do in today's first reading (Isaiah 51:1-9a). I'm struck by the fact that the people are seeking God "day after day" and they want God's justice. They "desire to draw near to God." So do I want God. But it seems so hard.
What God has to offer in today's Old Testament reading is what God has always been saying: if you want to seek me, seek justice, love kindness, walk humbly with God. You may not see or experience God, but God is there nevertheless.
Your fasting, your prayer, your pursuit of me ought to lead you toward more justice and more love. If it doesn't, then it's not doing you any good. Notice that God doesn't say NOT to fast or pray! Rather, we should be aware of how fasting and prayer are impacting our spiritual lives. These are important words for our Lenten journey, for the season when we focus on fasting and prayer.
At the same time, God speaks to us of the importance of persistence and of believing in God's mercy and justice. God will, in fact, become present in our lives again! Today's gospel (Matthew 9:14-15) shows us that Jesus, the Bridegroom, has come to be with the people. They are so overjoyed, how can they possibly conceive of fasting? God will come to us - and in the midst of spiritual dryness, we need to remember this good news.
Lent is a good time for souls affected by spiritual dryness. Lent invites us into 40 days of desert spirituality, just as Jesus spent 40 days in the desert. But we are not alone in this dry land. God promises to be with us, even if we can't see God. God only asks that we keep the faith and act in love, justice and mercy.
We will see God. There will be an end to the darkness, the dreariness, and the dryness. There always is. Springtime is just around the corner - and until then, we know that our God goes with us on our Lenten desert journey.
- Jana M. Bennett