Saturday of the Second Week of Advent
Let me paint a picture for you. It is a Friday, so my wife is at work and I’m at home with the kids. Our two girls, Avila and Hosanna are playing well, when our son, Ignatius, looks up with wide eyes and declares. "I have to go potty!" Playing the part of cool, calm, collected Dad, I say, “OK, head upstairs, I’ll be up to check on you in a minute. Ready, set, go, go, go” (because everything is more fun as a race). As I finish ensuring that all choking hazards are as far from Avila as possible, I start to head toward the stairs when Iggy announces that he’s had an accident. He made it to the potty, but while he as going potty… he made a poop in his pants. Immediately, I feel the cool, calm, and collected side of me evaporating as all I can think about is “How did he manage to do that?” I think this makes Sirach's words about fathers turning their hearts toward their sons timely.
Let me explain further. In the moment, I didn’t care that Iggy liked stand-up pees better or that he thought he could do that and hop on the potty in time. I cared that what he did didn’t make sense to me and didn’t make sense with how good he’d become at going potty by himself. My first response as my son opened up about his mishap was not to turn my heart to him in his situation, but to turn my brain toward his situation. We have a churchy name for this: judging. Now, there is a time and place, especially in parenting, to judge the wisdom of certain actions and correct foolishness and commend wisdom, but that time is only after the heart has been turned.
Anatomically this imagery works too. It is too easy to turn our heads and snap a command or correction, but it takes time to turn our whole body so that our heart is toward someone. That takes intentionality and shows them our focus.
When my son calls out to me in trust that he’s had an accident while using the potty, my inclination is to figure out how in the world it happened and what was he thinking, but he’s still standing there wearing soiled clothing. No, to fulfill this prophecy I first need to help get him clean and dry, then talk him through his actions, exercising the gift of counsel to help him see his wisdom and his folly.
I think this is the same way we are called to do ministry in the church. There is a time and a place to have conversations about wisdom, put are we first helping people get out of their soiled clothes and into clean, dry, warm ones? This might not be what Sirach intended, but for me, who is so quick to turn my head before my heart, this passage is a good reminder to do it the other way.
- Spencer Hargadon