Feast of Saint Thomas, Apostle
Today we celebrate the Feast of St. Thomas, the Apostle. Although St. Thomas is responsible for carrying the Gospel to India and other parts of the East, he is surely best known as 'doubting' Thomas. I have always found a bit unfair that his doubting the Resurrection of Jesus (until his own personal encounter with the Risen Lord) is the most significant fact we know about Thomas. Also, it has most often carried purely negative connotations about the apostle. After all, who among us does not experience doubt? I am deeply grateful for this passage in John's Gospel.
This, along with so many others, reminds me that being human is exactly where I am. It is exactly where I meet Jesus.
In passage from chapter 10 of John's Gospel, we read of Thomas's refusal to believe his fellow apostles' experience of having been with the Risen Jesus. Thomas wants direct proof before he believes and Jesus indeed provides this proof a week later when he appears to his disciples. "My Lord and my God!" are the words Thomas exclaims upon touching the wounds of Jesus. This story contains all the elements common in most conversion stories, including our own personal stories. It is human to want hard evidence and personal experience to believe the reality of certain things, especially when it comes to spiritual matters. However, it is not shameful to experience doubt; it is an existential part of the human experience. Doubt can make us question how we live in the world and why we are living that way. It can be uncomfortable to experience and, occasionally, paralyze us where we are. After all, human beings want to feel secure…change is hard! There are so many variables in everyday life we find comfort in the things that stay the same. If in the throes of the discomfort of doubt we can find ourselves clinging to something we need to let go of or rejecting something we could embrace. But if we can just step away emotionally, we may allow ourselves to see what is truly going on. We may find, with a mind and heart open to growth and change (or even surprises) the resolution leads us to greater freedom and a deeper connection with God…and graces we never dreamed of.
St Paul, in the passage from Ephesians, says, " Through him the whole structure is held together and grows into a temple sacred in the Lord; in him you also are being built together into a dwelling place of God in the Spirit." Following the Risen Jesus is a journey of constant change and continuous growth. Doubt and insecurity are part of that process. May discomfort not lead to rejection out of hand! This day, I pray for the grace to step out in faith, even in the presence of doubt or insecurity. I pray that I may see the opportunity to grow, a chance to reaffirm, or even to be surprised!
--Gail Lyman