Thursday after Ash Wednesday
As we begin this season of Lent, I find myself attending a funeral. Lent is a time where we prepare for the death of Christ. We are saddened, we are prayerful, and we mourn. We put away our Hallelujahs in exchange for a more somber, reflective season of prayer. How appropriate to enter into this season, face to face with death.
Thankfully, this was not a tragic or unexplainable death. But rather I am attending the funeral of my grandmother - one of the most loving, caring, selfless and sacrificial people I have ever known. In the course of her life she was married for over 50 years, raised 10 children and constantly sacrificed her own desires for those of the family she was raising. She had 22 grandchildren and a constantly increasing number of great-grandchildren. The most beautiful thing I have witnessed about every person in this family is that they know the value, the meaning and importance of family - they know that loving your family means sacrificing and means putting others needs first. And we each learned this from Grandma.
In the first reading we hear that "If you obey the commandments of the LORD, your God, which I enjoin on you today, loving him, and walking in his ways, and keeping his commandments, statutes and decrees, you will live and grow numerous, and the LORD, your God, will bless you in the land you are entering to occupy." And this is exactly how Grandma lived her life - obeying the commandments of the Lord. And she - and all of those fortunate enough to know her - were deeply blessed.
As we think of death - the end of our time here on Earth, we are called to reflect on our lives. And Lent often times forces and encourages us to being this reflection, through intentional prayer and fasting. Lent is a time in which we look at our lives and ask ourselves the questions put forth to us in today's readings - am I denying my own selfish desires? Am I taking up my cross daily, without complaint and anger? Am I putting my own selfish desires first or God's will? What do I put before God? What in my life am I too afraid to lose? What do I hold on to, feeling I will be lost without it? And when we prayerfully ask these questions we gain a clearer understanding of what we are called to fast from and the reason for our fasting. Do I have an unhealthy obsession with checking my weight? Maybe I need to fast from this for Lent. Do I sacrifice my presence to God and the people around me, because of social media? Maybe I am called to fast from social media this Lent. Or maybe I have an unnatural dependency on my morning coffee, my daily soda. Often times, giving up soda seems silly to people but when it is connected to a deeper understanding of what is standing in between me and God, it makes sense. Maybe caffeine is what you are called to fast from.
At the heart of all fasting, there must be prayer - deep, sincere prayer. A prayer that asks those difficult questions of our Lord - "show me where I hold on to this world too strongly. Show me my selfishness. And heal me." We don't always want to hear these answers but we need to ask the questions. It is this constant refinement of ourselves and a continual refusal of our selfish desires that helps us to live a life like that of my grandmother's - selfless, loving and generous. As Christ tells us, we must lose our life, in order to save it. "What profit is there for one to gain the whole world yet lose or forfeit himself?" Amen.
- AJ Grimm