Tuesday of the Seventh Week of Easter
St. Paul’s message to the Church elders that we read in the Acts of the Apostles today sounds quintessentially like Paul: it is a bit abrupt and not without dramatic flare. He is telling the community that he will travel on to Jerusalem, just as the Holy Spirit has led him to proclaim to Gospel to so many other cities. All of this travelling, he says, is dangerous and he knows he will face imprisonment and probably death.
In the face of these dangers, Paul says something startling: “Yet I consider life of no importance to me, if only I may finish my course and the ministry that I received from the Lord Jesus, to bear witness to the Gospel of God’s grace.” I am struck in this reading by Paul’s confidence in his own life, and his lack of fear in the face of death. On a recent long car ride, I listened to two radio programs that talked about the way Americans handle the topic of death. One program pointed out that many doctors (even ones who deal with terminally ill patients all of the time, like oncologists) do not really learn how to talk to patients about the end of their lives. The other program talked about the importance of explaining death to children in clear and precise ways so as not to confuse them and worsen their grief. Both programs made me wonder about our cultural attitudes about death. I think there is a natural human repulsion from death, the same instinct that makes us protect our own lives and the lives of others. But we also seem to cultivate a real ineptitude around end of life issues that should make us wonder.
For modern ears, St. Paul’s attitude about his own death seems a little strange. We might even question whether he “really” felt that way at all. But what gives him this confidence? He is confident that he has spent his life as if it were really a gift, sharing the love of Christ with as many people in as many places as possible. I wonder if I could say the same about my own life. I am not one for vocal proselytizing but I do believe that I am compelled to bear witness to the selfless love and grace of God in Jesus Christ. Perhaps I, too, will struggle with my own death because I know in my heart that I did not bear witness to that love enough in my own actions. I hear in St. Paul’s words a heart so open to grace that it is not afraid of the moment it stops beating. My our own hearts be as open so that we meet life and death with confidence in the love of God.
- Katherine Schmidt