Memorial of Saint Cecilia, Virgin and Martyr
I could easily say that my wedding day was one of the greatest days of my life. The reasons are numerous and it still stands as an all-around amazing day. Not only that, but being married has been great. Sure it has challenges, but those have only helped deepen our marriage beyond the superficial.
I’m saying all of this because as Christ is schooling the Sadducees about the resurrection, he drops a peculiar sentence in there. He says, “The children of this age marry and remarry; but those who are deemed worthy to attain to the coming age and to the resurrection of the dead neither marry nor are given in marriage.” Did you catch that? I suppose I could have underlined it too. When I read this it jumped off the page as if it twice its size. I bring this up, because it says something about heaven.
Sometimes I think heaven is going to be this really great place, like an amusement park, grandma’s house, or Colorado. And it is a great place (or state of existence) I’m sure, but really, what about marriage? From my perspective I’m asking “How is heaven supposed to be so great without marriage?” While, for some people their experience might be that heaven will be great because there is no marriage. Regardless, I want to close with a couple thoughts on what it means to me that there is no marriage in heaven.
It does not mean that marriage is bad, or that heaven is somehow “missing something.” I just wanted to start there and get that out of the way.
It does mean that marriage is not the end all be all. I remember at my reception my father-in-law’s speech centered on the idea that marriage is first and foremost about helping each other be holier, and then it can be about helping each other be happier. That runs counter to the happily ever after and marriage will fix my problems mentality that can run rampant in our culture and churches.
It also means that marriage is a training ground for heaven. When Bess and I live a life of deep communion with each other with God at the center of it all, we are kind of spiritually training ourselves to enter heaven. Heaven is an eternal state of existence where we are in deep communion with everyone else with God at the center. Now the thought might be, “that shouldn’t be a problem, everyone in heaven is perfect, but my spouse isn’t.” True, but the reality is neither are you, and as St. Augustine said, every saint has a past. A life of repeated forgiveness in marriage is great training for the moment when you enter heaven, look around and want to say, “I never thought I’d see you here.”
All of this came to mind as I thought about Jesus’ words here on the Feast of St. Cecilia. She married in order to protect her vow to live as a spouse of Christ and was later martyred for her Christianity. My sister has taken a similar vow but instead of marrying to protect it she entered the Dominicans of St. Cecilia. Both St. Cecilia and my sister remind me that my marriage is great but it doesn’t stop there. My marriage is supposed to lead me to something far greater than my mind can comprehend. More than that, it is supposed to lead my family, and those who witness our marriage to the Wedding Feast of the Lamb and the resurrection from the dead.
"Lord, help me to not place the burden of my happiness on my marriage and especially my spouse. Also, with your grace, help my marriage to be a training ground for how we’ll all interact in heaven."
- Spencer Hargadon