Memorial of Our Lady of Sorrows
There is a song by Neil Young entitled “Only Love Can Break Your Heart”. I love the song as it reminds me of a time when I was younger. Now that I have lived a bit, I realize more deeply the truth in those words. When I recall the times I have had a broken heart it has always been because I loved someone. I have no regrets about the suffering but I do realize that if I had not loved I would not have suffered. Loving another includes suffering. Loving means opening myself to the probability of some type of loss, betrayal, or disappointment—in other words, suffering and sorrow. I think most people would look back through their lives and, given the chance, would choose to love even though they now know, in addition to the joy, the heart breaking sorrow that would accompany that love.
Today the Church celebrates the feast of Our Lady of Sorrows. The two options for Gospel readings relate two of the seven ‘dolours’ (sorrows) in the life of the Blessed Mother when she endured great suffering because of her deep love for Jesus—Simeon’s prophecy of Mary being pierced by a sword of suffering and Mary standing at the foot of the cross while Jesus was dying. These passages, in particular the one at the foot of the cross, relates an ineffable depth of suffering that must surely have changed Mary’s life forever. Most of us have experienced the intense suffering and death of a loved one and the consequent weeks, months, and years of grief and loss. The pain and sense of loss can sometimes sweep over us unexpectedly long after they have passed on. What is this all about? I think about the suffering I have trudged through in my life and it seems that all the work and self-sacrifice and joy are inextricably bound together.
Loving is not limited to joy and pleasure and good feelings. Love is not about what I can get out of a relationship or how I can get to a place where I feel good all the time. Love is about commitment and sacrifice for the sake of love—not for the sake of getting what I want or getting what I think I deserve or need. If God is LOVE (1Jn 4:8) then love is about GOD—not me. In this reality, love is about giving and giving and giving. This is how God loves. This is how Mary loved—how she loved God and Jesus and how she loves us now. True love is mutual and eternal. In our humanness we experience the pain of having our hearts broken by others and we break the hearts of those who love us as well.
Maybe a lesson on this feast of Our Lady of Sorrows is that the acceptance and ‘working through’ the sorrows of our broken hearts is the true test of love. When given the opportunity to love again, will I shy away in order to avoid the cost—the breaking of my heart or sorrow or loss? Or will I allow the grace and desire of my God to lead me to love again, accepting the fullness and complexity and beauty of loving? I pray this day that, through the intercession of the Blessed Mother and by the grace of God, I may love a little more and be a little more open to the love of others.
--Gail Lyman