Thursday of the First Week in Ordinary Time
Today’s readings bring up one of the hardest questions I have about faith – “Where is God when horrible things happen? Where is God when we feel we are defeated? Where is God in the pain?” I often wonder why God doesn’t stop the hardships and the tragedy, why we have to feel such intense pain and loss. While I do not have a theological answer to this question, I do have faith that God is with me in the hard times, not causing them or willing them, but holding, supporting and guiding me as I struggle through them.
I think that sometimes we can all make the same mistake that the Israelites in this first reading made. Just as the Israelites brought the Ark of the Covenant with them into battle, sure to win, we too can think that because we know the Lord and have God “on our side” we will be saved from defeat, hardship and struggle. Having faith in God does not mean that life will be easy or that we will always be victorious, in whatever battles we are fighting in our lives. On the contrary I think that faith means seeking God out, even in the hard times, in our moments of torment and defeat.
Today’s psalm asks God how He could allow them to be disgraced, plundered, mocked, scorned and much more. In their moments of pain, they look to God for answers and for mercy. Often in our times of struggle that is all that we can ask for – a moment of God’s mercy.
The leper in the Gospel also seems to me as someone who was defeated and suffering. To be a leper was to be a complete outcast, forced to the fringes of society. Yet, when he approached the Lord and spoke to him he did not demand from him “Heal me! Make me better! Take away my suffering!” Rather, he spoke an act of faith, using the words, “If you wish, you can make me clean.” This leper did not demand Jesus take his suffering away but rather asked for mercy, if it were God’s will. I find a challenge in this man’s approach to Jesus, a challenge to change how I pray. For today, I would like to start all of my prayers with his line, “If you wish”, reminding myself to pray for God’s will rather my own personal desires. Even in the moments where God’s will seems impossible to understand or fathom, may my prayer reflect this leper’s prayer, asking God for His will rather than my own.
- Amanda Grimm