Saturday of the Twenty-fifth Week in Ordinary Time
As I read today's gospel my eyes were drawn to the phrase at the very end, “they were afraid to ask him about this saying.” I think this one phrase captures an often overlooked part of our journey to faith and our journey in faith; fear. I think the word fear deserves a little attention and I think from this passage we can reflect on the beauty we can appreciate and the errors we should avoid.
Now this isn't the fear that something horrible is about to happen or that God is some proverbial monster hiding under the bed. This is the fear that comes with realizing just how much bigger God is than we are and just how far He has come to dwell among us. This is the fear that comes with realizing that despite all your plans and safety nets, you are not in charge. This is the fear that sinks in when it dawns on you just how little you know. This, in essence, is the fear of the Lord from the Old Testament.
To understand fear of the Lord, to have it bear fruit, we have to know in our hearts two truths. God is both transcendent and intimate. We certainly do have a vast, wonderful, and transcendent God, but this God also is so intimate, personal, and meets us where we are. Both of these truths need to meet one another in our heart, and in our consciousness. They need to meet because they inform each other so beautifully and reflecting on one, only grows a deeper appreciation for the other. Holding these two together can bring us great peace. I experienced this during my own conversion. For me, coming to a better understanding of the greatness of God helped me better understand His love for us and just how great a symbol of love the cross is.
Now if we lose sight of either of these two truths our fear of the Lord can cease to bear fruit and can actually hinder our walk. In today's gospel we see one of those two ways, and elsewhere in the gospels we find the other. In today's gospel the disciples were so in awe and so afraid of Christ's greatness that they were too afraid to ask him questions. They had so lost sight of Christ's closeness that they didn't ask Him about His statement. When we lose sight of God's intimacy we forget that he desires to reveal Himself to us! To forget God's desire to reveal Himself to us is hear Him but not listen to Him. It is to take one of the greatest gift He offers us, to share His divine life, and to blow off how deeply He desires to share it with us.
The time the disciples lost sight of Christ's greatness was when Peter tried to rebuke Jesus for proclaiming His passion. Jesus then turns to Peter and declares, “Get behind me, Satan.” When we lose sight of God's greatness we can be like Peter, we can try to sit down with God and make Him see why we're right and He's wrong. It is an endeavor we always lose in the end, fortunately though, God is a gracious winner.
So as we go into Mass this Sunday, let us combine the praises of the Gloria with the intimacy of the Eucharist. Let us stand in awe of Christ our Lord and Savior whose frightening vastness just makes His love that much more radical and peace giving. And let us remember that God is neither an angry bearded man with lightening bolts nor our pushover friend. Rather, let us remember that He is our Lord and Brother who died to show us how low he was willing to go for us, and rose again to show us how high he wishes to bring us.
- Spencer Hargadon