Monday of the Fourteenth Week in Ordinary Time
This time of year I always think about when my father was in the final days of his life. I had never lost someone in my immediate family before and the whole situation seemed surreal at times. I remember praying so much and not really knowing exactly what to pray for except that I just wanted God to be close by. I wanted my siblings and my mother to be comforted and I wanted my Dad to be without pain. I felt frustrated with the caregivers at times because they did not know my Dad like we did and could not care for him the way our family had been caring for him for the past three years. And I struggled hard with the fact that I could not do anything to change what I knew in my heart was going to happen. We were with him when he passed away and I will never forget the incredible presence of God that I felt during those last days and hours and minutes. Today’s readings all led me to reflect on how my awareness of the presence and personal touch of God in difficult circumstances changes everything.
“If only I can touch his cloak, I shall be cured” says the woman in today’s Gospel. (Mt 9:21) This woman, who has been hemorrhaging for so many years, boldly comes up behind Jesus and touches the tassel of his garment. She is certain she will be healed if she can get close enough to merely touch him. As well, the synagogue official whose daughter has died approaches and, kneeling before Jesus, says “But come, lay your hand on her and she will live.” (Mt 9:18) Both approached the Lord in great faith and hope. They both realized they had no power in the present circumstances of their lives and they reached out, asking for the touch of Jesus. In the passage from Genesis, the Lord tells Jacob, “Know that I am with you; I will protect you wherever you go” (Gen 28:15). Jacob responds to this realization, “Truly the Lord is in this spot and I did not know it!” (Gen 28:16) I can relate to Jacob’s cry. In recent years I have become aware of many, many times in the past where God was working in my life that I had not recognized before. I can clearly see the difference between the times I was aware of God’s presence and the times when I was not. The difference was not the outcome of a particular situation; rather it was my perception and disposition that was very different. Primarily, when I invite God into any given situation, I am taking my proper place in the world—being who I am created to be. When I reach out for the touch of Christ, I am living more fully as the person God created me to be. I do not need to attempt to be in charge or control or play God. And I can rest in the knowledge that the Holy Mysterious One who created me—the One who has been with me from eternity and promises to be with me always—has all in hand. This is a very good place to be. This is a place of freedom.
When my father lay dying, I well remember begging for the presence and touch of God. I realized there was little hope for the physical healing of my father. But I do know that that touch and presence changed everything. Inviting the presence of God into the very midst of that circumstance transformed it completely. As the Psalmist says, somehow, in the trenches of pain and grief and loss, God “will shelter you with pinions, spread wings that you may take refuge;” and “All who call upon me I will answer, I will be with them in distress” (Ps 91: 4, 15). May God grant me the grace to be more aware of his presence and action and the grace to be humble enough to reach out and ask for his touch this day. All praise and glory to our God!
O Holy One,
I thank you for my life,
Raise my awareness of your presence
each and every moment of my life.
And when I have fear or pain or worry
grant me the grace to call on you, reach for you, run to you.
With the intercession of the Blessed Virgin Mary,
In Jesus name I pray.
AMEN
Gail Lyman