Monday of the Sixth Week in Ordinary Time
Have you ever been so disappointed or exasperated all you could do was just sigh?
You feel powerless and helpless and know there is absolutely nothing more you can say or do to change a situation. All that is left to do is accept the way things are and turn and walk away. Today’s Gospel reading is only three verses long. But in those three verses we can really feel what Jesus was experiencing when he faced, yet again, the unbelief and hardness of heart so characteristic of the Pharisees. It says Jesus “sighed from the depth of his spirit” (Mk 8:12) when the Pharisees were arguing with him and testing him by asking for a sign from heaven. Knowing their motives, Jesus left them, got into the boat and went to the other shore. (Mk 8:13)
Today’s first reading from the Letter of James, as well as the responsorial psalm, speak to this issue of unbelief and doubt in powerful ways. James begins his letter with these words-- “Consider it all joy”(Jas 1:1). He is talking about trials, afflictions, and suffering. I must confess when I am faced with suffering and affliction my reflexive response is usually not joy! But James associates this with doubt, unbelief and lack of faith in God. After all, as a disciple of Jesus, am I not called to share in his trials and sufferings? Do I not know that this “testing of faith produces perseverance”? (Jas 1:3) The passage in James goes on to speak about the one who doubts as being “like a wave of the sea that is driven and tossed by the wind” (Jas 1:6) and “… a man of two minds” (Jas 1:8).
Frankly, that is exactly the way I feel when I find I have doubted or complained about a situation in my life. I feel divided, disintegrated, and a bit hollow inside. And while reading these passages, I began imagining how I would feel if Jesus responded to me in the same manner he did the Pharisees when I give in to moments of doubt and unbelief or when he looks at the areas of my life that I resist turning over to God. Even just imagining this scenario is heartbreaking!
The Jesus I have come to know has not been willing to turn away from me--even as areas of my life show patterns of willfulness or my pride gets the best of me. I do believe that this Jesus who “sighed from the depth of his Spirit” offers himself to me at each and every moment of my life. His offer of himself holds the only true promise of freedom, love, and peace. All he has asked is that I be willing, that I open my heart, and, when I recognize resistance, doubt or unbelief in my life, that I quickly turn back to him.
Today I thank God that he has never turned away from me, even in my moments of doubt and unbelief. I will ask him today for the graces of an open heart and a willing spirit. And may these graces serve to bring me closer to him that I may please and glorify him in exactly the manner he desires.
- Gail Lyman