Friday of the Twenty-Ninth Week in Ordinary Time
We seem to be a nation of advice-seekers. Advice columnists in the newspapers thrive on dispensing advice to letter writers. Teenagers and young adults text each other asking for up-to-the-minute advice. Self help books remain a top selling genre at bookstores.
Nearly all of the advice situations tend to be about human relationships. There are the obvious romantic relationship difficulties: “My boyfriend just doesn’t seem interested in me anymore but I love him a lot. How can I win him over again?” There are the relationships between neighbors: “My neighbor has a tree that is dangerously close to one of my windows. What actions can I take?” Family relationships: “I just found out my teenage daughter is pregnant. I want to be supportive but I’m finding it difficult. How can I balance those feelings?” Relationships between people in conflict: “My co-worker has NEVER respected the work that I do and I’m afraid it’s starting to affect my relationship with my boss. How would you handle this?” Relationships with one’s self: “I think I allow people to walk all over me. How can I change?”
On one hand, seeking others’ advice is necessary and good sometimes. We want to act well, and sometimes knowing how to do that requires others’ advice. Yet today’s Gospel (Luke 12:54-59) also pinpoints the problems with getting others’ advice. In this passage, two opponents are seeking the advice of a magistrate because one appears to owe the other some money (the clue is in the last line about paying the last penny). Jesus admonishes these opponents to do the hard work of reconciling with each other themselves, rather than taking it to a third party.
One of the problems with getting others’ advice, in this case, the advice of a court of law, is that others’ advice can go awry and not be helpful. In this passage, perhaps there would have been a more helpful way to deal with those debts, some kind of arrangement that involves creativity and work on the part of both opponents, but which ultimately ends in a better overall deal.
Another problem with getting another’s advice is that the third person’s advice is impersonal advice, uninvolved. So that third party never has to feel the effects of the problems the two of you may encounter in carrying out his or her advice. The two opponents, on the other hand, feel the situation very keenly and are therefore more disposed to work something out, if they are willing to have that conversation on the way to the courthouse.
Given these kinds of problems, Jesus dispenses some advice himself. “Judge for yourselves what is right.” You know how to interpret weather; learn how to think about each other rightly. Give your relationships the respect they are due by trying to engage directly with each other rather than calling in third parties. That kind of involvement in each others’ lives requires courage though, to speak directly to that neighbor who has the dangerous tree, to talk openly with the pregnant daughter, to think carefully about what to say to the co-worker.
Today’s first reading (Ephesians 4:1-6) speaks of a way to have these kinds of courageous direct relationships. It involves humility, gentleness, patience, a constant striving for unity, and remembering what we share in Christ. Pursuing this kind of relationship is not at all easy (because how many of us truly want to be humble like that?), but both the Gospel and Paul suggest that this is the better way forward for our relationships with each other. Today, let us reflect on how we can build up our relationships with each other in Jesus Christ.
- Jana M. Bennett